More than likely I’ll be cremated or (hopefully not but….) Donated to science. That means med students get to play with your body parts. Of course there’s always the possibility the government could use me in an illegal programme, God forbid I actually wake up with super strength and inability to die! !! In any case this is supposed to be about me. I was born a 10 month baby, the 6th of 5 previous miscarriages. I came into the world on September 16, 1958. Since I was a late baby my parents drilled into me, the song, “Born to Late”, by the Ponytails. A #1 hit, august 58′. It was my song they said. And I believed it, and played the 45 record thousands of times over my life through my 20’s.
- Back to the hospital, my mom had what is now post partum depression. She also bleed for 7-8 weeks. Supposedly I was born without Any labour pains.” You just came out”, was her favourite saying.I spent a month in an incubator before coming home, my mom was to sick/frightened to visit. The 5 baby losses. But Daddy visited every day after work!! And when I came home, it was my Daddy who fed me, changed me for a month at night, my aunt Pat in the day bathed me. My mum was repulsed by my wrinkled skin, but after a month I looked like a normal heathy baby. Then my mom learned to care for me. She did fine, I remember age 3 is my first memory, but it was me and Daddy hiking while camping in Sequalia. We saw a big bear. Next I remember my mom’s hands always smelled like smoke. It was comforting. But my favourite was going to my grandparents, although grandpa died of a cerebral hemmorrhage, when I was 8. But there was always Gramma! My heart. And I broke hers, God forgive me. More on that later. (Unfinished)
So tired of being hungry. Before I just didn’t eat. Totally lost my appetite. It helped. There was no pain, desire, I almost hated food. Then I had an abundance of food for a few weeks. And I ate and got my appetite back. Wish I hadn’t. Hunger hurts. I was better off not knowing what I was missing. Now I feel emotions that are wrong! Greed, unwilling to share, want, I shouldn’t have enjoyed the food.
When I die what will happen to my cats? And my body? I have no money to even get cremated. I want to live to be able to repent and get my name in the book of life. Jesus forgive me for my sins. Forgive me for liking celebs, the evil false gods. Like lady gaga and even Paris Jackson. Evil. Rich cannot get in heaven. Thank you for making me poor. Giving me a chance to suffer. It is necessary. I hate it the pain Lord. Remember my name in the Book of life. Forgive me jesus.
I love documentaries!!! I watch as many as I can on u-tube and Netflix and Hulu. The Brits make several, and I have watched most available, I love learning new things. But I have one problem with the documentaries the Brits make. They repeat the same info as much as ten times in one show! For instance on a show about lions, they constantly repeat “and now what will happen on the hunt?” But it takes 20 minutes to see a hunt that could have been done in 8 minutes! They purposely repeat, constantly repeatative, to extend time, I don’t know why they do it! I could have learned so much more! It’s done in almost every Brit documentary!!!! They must be slow minded people, to have to repeat simple info, which extends the time the show is on without giving any new info. Kinda like this post. I repeated on purpose, like them. It’s irritating isn’t it?
No scientific proof exists that we are born that way. I used to hang out at male gay bars and successfully got some to have relations with me. A dangerous thing in the 80’s. I fell in love with a gay male who bargained if he was HIV negative he’d consider a relationship with me. Sadly he was HIV+. Then I tried female gay bars. They musta knew I was straight. Couldn’t even get a dance!!! Went to gay A.A. meetings. Didn’t fit there either. Surprisingly I liked one girl a lot. Pretty little blonde. But then my Christian roots scared me. I didn’t want to go to hell!!! So went back to straight men. I have never had an orgasm from but one man. A one night stand. Otherwise sex? Yuck! I would make a rotten muslin because they think heaven is sex. Lots of sex. That’s sick. I’m celibate for 15 years now. Old and wrinkled and out of the game. I masturbate. Sometimes I actually pretend I’m a man and the woman is sucking my dick.(vibrator) good orgasm
But no love. I’ve never had love and sex together. Does it even really exist? I voted trump so gays really hate me now, saved them from Muslims and they don’t know they’d be beheaded for being gay there. As a Christian I ask for forgiveness for the masturbation thoughts. But God specifically said sodomy was wrong. Never did it and won’t. It has to hurt like hell! I want to go to heaven! Jesus forgive me.
I am very white skinned. Pale English blood shows even though I’m half Greek! As a child I had big ugly black freckles on my arms and back. A horrible mole right at the mini skirt line on my leg and a huge mole on the back of my neck. I grew up in California, catholic, Italian kids and Mexican kids all had smooth mark free pretty brown skin. Of course they laughed at me. At age 22 I fixed it all. I was a nurse. Got a surgical book on mole and freckles removal. Performed surgery and removed both moles and all the bigger freckles. At 24-25 I was tan and freckle free. So I got to be one of the beautiful people for 2 years! My daughter was born when I was 35. She is half black. With tan skin and no ugly freckles or moles. She straightens her hair though and dyes it blond. We are never satisfied are we? Still I hate moles the most and shudder especially if one is on a persons face. Free removal! Wink, wink!
My roommate has been watching all the private sector news which is bias towards scaring the crap out of the readers. Doomsday scenarios abound! Alex Jones screams in his raspy voice, “were all gonna die!” Prepare to hide. Economy will fail and we must be armed. All this does is create more fear! It’s trust no one time and my roommate says I will probably die or be killed. This does not help me. He warns me I’ll be put in a FEMA camp and tortured! The new world order is coming!!!! Well shit! I don’t want to know if it’s fear mongeling all the time! I can’t take it anymore! Stop it! Stop all this political bullshit. I hate political correct too but some folks need to have it for their own reasons. I just want to get along now. I still fear Muslims but they are not here so it’s not an immediate problem. I want to get along. Update: he’s getting worse. Carry’s gun everywhere. He tells me how unprepared I am. How do you prepare for hell on earth? I honestly don’t want to know. Just die with everyone else! I am close to a primary target on purpose. He wants to move to the desert and hide. We both are on narcotics. What happens if we can’t detox? Every time he stocks on meds he takes extra!!! And mine too! I have only one extra day’s med. Then horrific pain sets in.
Q means other, queer, questioning and anyone else who doesn’t fit in the normal man women spectrum. Who knew pedophile’s had rights? Rapists might be queer! Any sexual depraved individual now has their protection. How far will they go? It’s the last days, there is no end to their sexual deviant acts. I’m celibate so I don’t fit in. I’m an other with no depraved thoughts on sex. I’m what used to be a beautiful person. I have God’s approval and love. I don’t need a group of people telling me what I should be. Sex crimes are on the rise. But it’s not the women or the cute kids that attract. Heck they are raping old people in some circles. The whole world is in a state of sexual deviance. It’s horrible. Sex no longer is for procreation. Just like The days of Sodom and Gommarah.
I wear 2 aides, I’m about 70% deaf. But the hearing aides make the sound louder, but still voices can sound like gibblish to me. I can recognise some words faster than others. I rely on my lip reading skills also. Sadly a lot of people who know me assume because I talk and seem to hear sometimes I am labeled as “She can hear what she wants to hear”. That is a lie. But family members insist it’s true. Don’t they know I’m most familiar with their voices? There are times I can’t understand their speech. And they tell strangers this about me, and I end up treated like I don’t exist. I can only hear one person at a time. I wish now though I had went to a deaf school because I would know sign language better and would hang out with deaf people. I’m trapped in the hearing world for now. I love and appreciate all I can hear. It hurts to be told I really hear when I don’t hear something. I could go on but that’s the basics.