I am in love with Curtis Sliwa. I always loved him in my 20’s but he was so far away. Even joined the L.A. angels which failed in 78-79….. Now I found him again, on Facebook. Funny, he has actually liked some of my comments. I dream about him. Not sex! I’ve been celibate 18 years, by choice. Hugs are ok. Anyway both of us would have never even had a chance to meet if not for the internet. But I never get what I want. He’s got a sexy costar. Why would he want me. 😒 no, I have to try. πŸ€”πŸ˜˜ update: I tried to flirt with him and he un friended me. He hates me now. He is stuck up and has few followers but I was not worth his time. 😰 see I am worthless.



I hate it when I get blocked first. I’m smarter than that. I was actually talking to a woman on FB I knew she was evil but I kept talking. Should have blocked her! Now I can’t, bitch blocked me. Typical middle class (maybe) no nothing country Midwest fool! She got to me! I have the urge to kill. Admit it we all think I’ll kill you! But we never do. Now I wish I wasn’t so kind and could be like them and hate. One step further, if I had the ability to actually kill her and not get caught I would do it on general principal. But that’s not the civilised way. This woman has no idea what I feel. She was rude and bossy. She was the one who was”right”. As she said. Wish now I was Muslim. All I have to do is say loudly around a crowd of Muslim men, “she burned a Quran!!!!!” And then sit back and watch her die. Horribly. The ultimate revenge and it’s legal in Muslim countries!!! But I won’t trade my freedom to get back at someone I never met. It’s a waste of time. Forgive me Lord. By Jesus’ grace I’m forgiven. Not so wonderful if you are really Muslim. There is no forgive me. You will be killed. Period.

Who was RayeAnn Marie Kemp, my epitaph (since no one else will bother)

More than likely I’ll be cremated or (hopefully not but….) Donated to science. That means med students get to play with your body parts. Of course there’s always the possibility the government could use me in an illegal programme, God forbid I actually wake up with super strength and inability to die! !! In any case this is supposed to be about me. I was born a 10 month baby, the 6th of 5 previous miscarriages.          I came into the world on September 16, 1958. Since I was a late baby my parents drilled into me, the song, “Born to Late”, by the Ponytails. A #1 hit, august 58′. It was my song they said. And I believed it, and played the 45 record thousands of times over my life through my 20’s. 

  • Back to the hospital, my mom had what is now post partum depression. She also bleed for 7-8 weeks. Supposedly I was born without Any labour pains.” You just came out”, was her favourite saying.I spent a month in an incubator before coming home, my mom was to sick/frightened to visit. The 5 baby losses. But Daddy visited every day after work!! And when I came home, it was my Daddy who fed me, changed me for a month at night, my aunt Pat in the day bathed me. My mum was repulsed by my wrinkled skin, but after a month I looked like a normal heathy baby. Then my mom learned to care for me. She did fine, I remember age 3 is my first memory, but it was me and Daddy hiking while camping in Sequalia. We saw a big bear. Next I remember my mom’s hands always smelled like smoke. It was comforting. But my favourite was going to my grandparents, although grandpa died of a cerebral hemmorrhage, when I was 8. But there was always Gramma! My heart. And I broke hers, God forgive me. More on that later. (Unfinished)

Starving! Hungry!Β 

So tired of being hungry. Before I just didn’t eat. Totally lost my appetite. It helped. There was no pain, desire, I almost hated food. Then I had an abundance of food for a few weeks. And I ate and got my appetite back. Wish I hadn’t. Hunger hurts. I was better off not knowing what I was missing. Now I feel emotions that are wrong! Greed, unwilling to share, want, I shouldn’t have enjoyed the food.

My death

When I die what will happen to my cats? And my body? I have no money to even get cremated. I want to live to be able to repent and get my name in the book of life. Jesus forgive me for my sins. Forgive me for liking celebs, the evil false gods. Like lady gaga and even Paris Jackson. Evil. Rich cannot get in heaven. Thank you for making me poor. Giving me a chance to suffer. It is necessary. I hate it the pain Lord. Remember my name in the Book of life. Forgive me jesus.

British documentaries

I love documentaries!!! I watch as many as I can on u-tube and Netflix and Hulu. The Brits make several, and I have watched most available, I love learning new things. But I have one problem with the documentaries the Brits make.              They repeat the same info as much as ten times in one show! For instance on a show about lions, they constantly repeat “and now what will happen on the hunt?” But it takes 20 minutes to see a hunt that could have been done in 8 minutes! They purposely repeat, constantly repeatative, to extend time, I don’t know why they do it! I could have learned so much more! It’s done in almost every Brit documentary!!!! They must be slow minded people, to have to repeat simple info, which extends the time the show is on without giving any new info. Kinda like this post. I repeated on purpose, like them. It’s irritating isn’t it? 

Homosexuality born that way?

No scientific proof exists that we are born that way. I used to hang out at male gay bars and successfully got some to have relations with me. A dangerous thing in the 80’s. I fell in love with a gay male who bargained if he was HIV negative he’d consider a relationship with me. Sadly he was HIV+. Then I tried female gay bars. They musta knew I was straight. Couldn’t even get a dance!!! Went to gay A.A. meetings. Didn’t fit there either. Surprisingly I liked one girl a lot. Pretty little blonde. But then my Christian roots scared me. I didn’t want to go to hell!!! So went back to straight men. I have never had an orgasm from but one man. A one night stand. Otherwise sex? Yuck! I would make a rotten muslin because they think heaven is sex. Lots of sex. That’s sick. I’m celibate for 15 years now. Old and wrinkled and out of the game. I masturbate. Sometimes I actually pretend I’m a man and the woman is sucking my dick.(vibrator) good orgasm

 But no love. I’ve never had love and sex together. Does it even really exist? I voted trump so gays really hate me now, saved them from Muslims and they don’t know they’d be beheaded for being gay there. As a Christian I ask for forgiveness for the masturbation thoughts. But God specifically said sodomy was wrong. Never did it and won’t. It has to hurt like hell! I want to go to heaven! Jesus forgive me.

Moles and freckles

I am very white skinned. Pale English blood shows even though I’m half Greek! As a child I had big ugly black freckles on my arms and back. A horrible mole right at the mini skirt line on my leg and a huge mole on the back of my neck. I grew up in California, catholic, Italian kids and Mexican kids all had smooth mark free pretty brown skin. Of course they laughed at me. At age 22 I fixed it all. I was a nurse. Got a surgical book on mole and freckles removal. Performed surgery and removed both moles and all the bigger freckles. At 24-25 I was tan and freckle free. So I got to be one of the beautiful people for 2 years! My daughter was born when I was 35. She is half black. With tan skin and no ugly freckles or moles. She straightens her hair though and dyes it blond. We are never satisfied are we? Still I hate moles the most and shudder especially if one is on a persons face. Free removal!  Wink, wink!

Once upon a Time

  1. It’s over. As far as I’m concerned. I am watching the new show and cry at every episode. So much loss!!!! Belle died. Rumple never ages he’s immortal but Belle wasn’t. He begged her let him cure her with magic. They lived all the years magic free. Raised a wonderful son. Now Rumplestilkskin is trapped by this ugly white bitch Cinderellas step mom. BTW Cinderella is now black. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ modern TV. But that’s ok. She’s light. And they should have gotten a real biracial kid not some Indian or Mexican or whatever this kid is she looks like a dang boy too. Maybe they plan to explore homosexuality or transgender in future episodes. Sure ruin it for good….. I will watch and cry. I know that supposedly everyone else is safe in storybrooke. Rumplestilkskin and Belle moved to another dimension. After she died he went where Henry was. Oh Rumple. He won’t be looking for love. Belle promised him they’d be together forever if and when he died. He can’t die as of yet. One good thing. He knows who he is now. I can’t go through a whole season of another curse.

End of the world

My roommate has been watching all the private sector news which is bias towards scaring the crap out of the readers. Doomsday scenarios abound! Alex Jones screams in his raspy voice, “were all gonna die!” Prepare to hide. Economy will fail and we must be armed. All this does is create more fear! It’s trust no one time and my roommate says I will probably die or be killed. This does not help me. He warns me I’ll be put in a FEMA camp and tortured! The new world order is coming!!!! Well shit! I don’t want to know if it’s fear mongeling all the time! I can’t take it anymore! Stop it! Stop all this political bullshit. I hate political correct too but some folks need to have it for their own reasons. I just want to get along now. I still fear Muslims but they are not here so it’s not an immediate problem. I want to get along. Update: he’s getting worse. Carry’s gun everywhere. He tells me how unprepared I am. How do you prepare for hell on earth? I honestly don’t want to know. Just die with everyone else! I am close to a primary target on purpose. He wants to move to the desert and hide. We both are on narcotics. What happens if we can’t detox? Every time he stocks on meds he takes extra!!! And mine too! I have only one extra day’s med. Then horrific pain sets in.