To Jesus

Forgive me, I am a sinner.

I was a brat, very selfish and rotten. I didn’t love my parents, the more I got, the more I wanted freedom. But to selfish to run away.                 I had an abortion.    I used diet pills to get through college. I used diet pills to succeed.   I drank to come down.    I was a virgin and had premarital sex at 22. Ruined it to have a white wedding.    Every man I had a relationship with became or was a drug addict.    I showed my daughter homosexual festival.      I let her have sex and drink before 18.    I helped her have abortion. I didn’t know who her father was at first.    Same reason I aborted the first. I am a recovered alcoholic.    I still am on pain med. Addicted sadly. I know I’ll die or suffer in a disaster. So will diabetics, but they have extra insulin, I don’t have extra medicine.     I fall in love with love.    I have been celibate 18 years. (Not a sin!!!!!) 😮. I am wrinkled and toothless from smoking cigarettes.    I do not have memory loss. (Not a sin! ).   I am a liar to my roommate, I promised to clean up the messy house and cry and give up. Need diet pills but expensive now. 😫 I pray for forgiveness and grace Lord. I don’t want to go to hell. I only have cats that love me.    I want someone normal (white) non druggie to love me.   I want to do something right before I die Lord please.    I’m not a bad person.    I say stupid illogical things.    I cry.   I feel.   I hope.   I own nothing but this phone. And Appleware. I owe bills. 2700 dollars. I live on 895 a month.   I wish I could work. I wish I had a friend here now.    I want to go to heaven.      I am open to science but not wrong being right.    I currently am having feelings for a old crush from the past I never met. How stupid is that? I actually fantasise about him being my friend for real. 

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